i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
