...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
