But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
