just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
