Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
