did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
