Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
