how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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