you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
