he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
