how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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