i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
