He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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