god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
