he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
