you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
