did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
