and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
