my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
