Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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