hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
