i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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