I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
