he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
