When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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