**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
