nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you never un-have a 4some
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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