She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
