Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
