I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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