I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
