i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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