I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
