Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
