oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
