It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
