pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
