Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
