so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
