How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just pynch a tree in the face
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
