also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
