Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
