I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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