somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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