went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
