Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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