I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
