Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
