it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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