I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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