There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
