i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
